


tillman has two hands (and they're holding his phone)

by tamsinb



Series: three acquired tastes that taste ??? together [3]
Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Charleston Shoe Thieves (Blaseball Team), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, casual homophobia, entirely told through tillman's dms, i messed up the timezones oops, i think jaylen deserves the world, oh uh, you know the drill by now its because tillman is in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27592997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamsinb/pseuds/tamsinb
Summary: Tillman passes a day inside texting with the people who will talk to him. (Which, he'll admit, is a larger pool than he remembered.)
Relationships: Jaylen Hotdogfingers & Tillman Henderson, Mike Townsend/Tillman Henderson, Mike Townsend/Tillman Henderson/Declan Suzanne, Tillman Henderson/Declan Suzanne
Series: three acquired tastes that taste ??? together [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001025
Comments: 19
Kudos: 51





	tillman has two hands (and they're holding his phone)

* * *

_“do you ever think about-? you promised!_

_i wanna die when you’re not here_

_cause i’m convinced everyone else_

_thinks that i’m a dick…”_

_"untitled (cont.)”, the brave little abacus_

* * *

**> gaybitch bitchdickfingers <**

**jaylen14:** Heyyyyyyy tilly! just Wanted to check in

**tillyhendy69:** dont call me that

**jaylen14:** And see if you’d done anything lately I could perhaps,

**jaylen14:** use as an Excuse to send you back to hell where you belong?

**tillyhendy69:** um

**tillyhendy69:** i mean i cheated at catan last night & declan fucking pissed himself over it

**jaylen14:** Hm all right Well that’ll have to do.

**jaylen14:** I’ll be on the next flight over, stay alive Until then okay?

**tillyhendy69:** ya ok lmao

**jaylen14:** Lmao.

**tillyhendy69:** ok but like srsly whats with u messaging its like

**tillyhendy69:** ur in sf right so its

**tillyhendy69:** 10 minus 3 in the mornign??

**jaylen14:** Holy shit can You really not do math.

**tillyhendy69:** uh no of course i can’t it’s 3 plus 7 over here way too fkn early to do math

**jaylen14:** Ha. Ha. Look, i’m trying to make amends.

**tillyhendy69:** thats a first

**jaylen14:** Shut up asshole! Im not saying i like you Dating mike.

**jaylen14:** But it seems like he’s doing it Of his own free will and not because you’re.

**jaylen14:** Idk blackmailing him or something.

**tillyhendy69:** lmao bold of u to assmue i wld put effort into getting mike to date me

**jaylen14:** Tillman honestly? I would put nothing past you At this point.

**tillyhendy69:** lmao fair im fuckin unpredictable

**tillyhendy69:** loose canon

**tillyhendy69:** fuckin

**tillyhendy69:** my hot rng ass

**jaylen14:** And despite all of that mike seems. Happy.

**jaylen14:** So as a show of Good faith i will help your throuple.

**tillyhendy69:** oh yeah?? lmaooooo

**tillyhendy69:** fuckin jaylen is givin me relationship advice thats fuckin funny

**tillyhendy69:** newsflash hotdog every girl in this league either hates u or is terrified of u

**tillyhendy69:** haha noo dont murder our friends ur scaring the hoes!!!!!!!!

**jaylen14:** You’re right that I do not have. An incredible amount Of personal experience.

**jaylen14:** But the lovers have Told me that I am making great progress.

**jaylen14:** Especially for Someone who

**jaylen14:** You can’t see but I am waving my hands In the air.

**tillyhendy69:** sure sure yeah

**jaylen14:** as a Way of saying “all this fucking bullshit”.

**tillyhendy69:** all right then ms come down from the mountain to drop some wisdom on me

**tillyhendy69:** whats ur big fuckin ten commandments

**jaylen14:** Have you heard of gloogle calendar.

**tillyhendy69:** oh my god are you

**jaylen14:** The lovers sing Its praises frequently. It’s invaluable.

**tillyhendy69:** srsly fuckin

**jaylen14:** For synching your schedules and such.

**tillyhendy69:** JAylen i know what fuckin gloogle calendar is forr

**tillyhendy69:** look i think ur overestimating how much

**tillyhendy69:** any of us has

**tillyhendy69:** anything goin on??

**jaylen14:** I’m just trying to show some support.

**tillyhendy69:** no ya i get it dont worry and like

**tillyhendy69:** the fact that u tryna be helpful is seriously weird is one hundo not lost on me

**tillyhendy69:** but like

**tillyhendy69:** mikes a fuckin shadow monster man

**tillyhendy69:** lord knows no one wants to hang out w my ass lmaooooo

**tillyhendy69:** n declan works like. maybe a day a week

**jaylen14:** I had thought being a firefighter Would be more demanding.

**tillyhendy69:** nah its p chill in offseason no ones really doin anything

**jaylen14:** I see.

**tillyhendy69:** like see if u sent money for a new fuckin video game that would be something

**tillyhendy69:** so we didnt have to play fuckin monopoly?? on xbox??? every other night??????

**jaylen14:** Declan recovered His xbox i take it?

**tillyhendy69:** ya we made mike go underwater and get it back

**tillyhendy69:** he doesnt have to breathe or nething so

**jaylen14:** Lmao.

**tillyhendy69:** ya he came out with like seaweed all in his fuckin shadow hair lmao

**tillyhendy69:** but he got the xbox

**jaylen14:** It amazes me that It’d still be functional.

**tillyhendy69:** yea they dont make that shit like they used to

**tillyhendy69:** if it was fuckin

**tillyhendy69:** switch?? forget about it

**jaylen14:** Speaking of which my switch Controller has been acting up lately.

**jaylen14:** I’ll probably need a replacement Soon.

**tillyhendy69:** yea replace ur whole fuckin switch get a real fuckin console

**tillyhendy69:** lameass lil tablet shit doesnt even have call of duty

**jaylen14:** Well your xbox doesn’t Have animal crossing so i fail to see the appeal.

**tillyhendy69:** oh my god u play that babyass game

**jaylen14:** Yes. I happen to love and cherish all my animal friends. I feel no Shame in this.

**jaylen14:** It even has Mario party you know. I have it on good authority you’re a fan.

**tillyhendy69:** ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**tillyhendy69:** fuck off jaylennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

**jaylen14:** Lmao.

**jaylen14:** Anyway. Try my advice, Okay? I have to go train.

**jaylen14:** Goodbye tillman.

**tillyhendy69:** cccccccccccccyaaaaa

**jaylen14:** Oh yeah. Before i Go, mike told me.

**jaylen14:** Is my name still ‘gaylen bitchdogfingers’ in your phone?

**tillyhendy69:** haha no i totally changed it

**jaylen14:** Ok good. Bye then!

**tillyhendy69:** lmao

*******

**> mike townsend (is texting me) <**

**tillyhendy69:** hey

**tillyhendy69:** hey mike

**tillyhendy69:** mike

**tillyhendy69:** hey mike

**tillyhendy69:** miiiiiiiike

**tillyhendy69:** hey mike

**tillyhendy69:** mike hey mike

**extracredit:** what oh my god what

**tillyhendy69:** …

**tillyhendy69:** bitch

**extracredit:** hi tillman

**tillyhendy69:** anyway im bored come over

**extracredit:** sorry babe i’m busy. call declan?

**tillyhendy69:** declans working a shift tonite ughhhh

**tillyhendy69:** all i got is u dont leave me hangin

**tillyhendy69:** ill even watch that lame ass dork show you love so much

**extracredit:** are you talking about downton abbey??

**extracredit:** you love that show dude

**tillyhendy69:** i abso fucking lutely do not fuckin rich ass poser ass ass show

**extracredit:** my evidence: you didn’t do a single quip for the entire episode

**extracredit:** never seen you do that before. you obviously love it

**tillyhendy69:** i just didnt want to ruin ur show babe if you havent noticed i kinda

**tillyhendy69:** idk enjoy ur mf company??? cause im so fuckin gay???

**extracredit:** oh my god ur excuses are so lame that’s literally never stopped you before

**tillyhendy69:** look no one in that show even does anything w power of friendship

**tillyhendy69:** i cant like any show where people dont fuckin

**tillyhendy69:** hug the bad guys and that solves everything or whatever the fuck

**extracredit:** haha we have to get you to stop watching anime for babies

**tillyhendy69:** YOULL TAKE MY 4-8YO TARGET DEMO ANIME FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS

**> declannnnnnnn <**

**d3cl4n:** sorry tilly looks like im gonna be here late tonight

**tillyhendy69:** why did u fkn break ur special pole?? knock ur pole down??

**tillyhendy69:** gotta stay late and fix ur special ffs pole??

**d3cl4n:** what? no, just something came up & we need two on tonight

**d3cl4n:** sorrrryyyyyy x0

**tillyhendy69:** ugh nah its cool guess i get all the microwave maccy cheese to myselfffffff

**d3cl4n:** WHAT

**d3cl4n:** TILLMAN

**d3cl4n:** THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR MACCY CHEESE

**tillyhendy69:** ITS MACCY CHEESE NIGHT

**tillyhendy69:** WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO JUST NOT EAT MACCY CHEESE ???

_===Declan has changed your name to ‘maccy cheese traitor’===_

**tillyhendy69:** oh real fuckn mature suzanne

**d3cl4n:** im speakin fuckin,,,,, truth to power

**d3cl4n:** truth to tillman

**d3cl4n:** the thieves have fuckn CHANGED u bro stealing maccy cheese?????

**d3cl4n:** literally UN poggers

**d3cl4n:** negative fuckin pogs on the pogometer

**tillyhendy69:** holy shit i didnt even do anything

**tillyhendy69:** fine ill find something else just so ur baby ass calms down happy

**d3cl4n:** yes. yes i am

**d3cl4n:** consider maccy cheese night postponed

**tillyhendy69:** ive never considered nething in my gd life

**>** **stu(pid) [note to tilly come up w smth better later] <**

**thecoolerstu:** heyyyyyyyyyyyy tillman

**thecoolerstu:** got a form for u to sign, just some team shit u know

**tillyhendy69:** ya whatever send it over

**thecoolerstu:** cool cool  here 

**tillyhendy69:** k lemme jus

**tillyhendy69:** ;alkdfja;sdlfjk

**tillyhendy69:** hey

**tillyhendy69:** hey stu??

**tillyhendy69:** any reason why a fuckn ginger dude is dancin on my screen rn ???

**thecoolerstu:** >:)

**thecoolerstu:** rlickrolled bitch

**tillyhendy69:** omg r u fuckn kiddin me what year is it

**tillyhendy69:** well jokes on u neway i lov gettin rlickrolled

**tillyhendy69:** this is my favorite song evr + the dude?? hot as hell

**thecoolerstu:** yaya whatevr u say fucko

**thecoolerstu:** can’t gay ur way out of this one i got ur ass

**tillyhendy69:** i can gay my way out of anything

**tillyhendy69:** and i will never admit ive been had

**thecoolerstu:** ya ya i know

**thecoolerstu:** but thats the fun of it i gotta keep tryin!!!!!

**tillyhendy69:** long as we both know the fuckin cringe ass score

**thecoolerstu:** o btw fair warning esme’s pissed uv been skippin practice

**thecoolerstu:** well i think shes pissed anyway sorta hard to tell since she got uh

**thecoolerstu:** spooooooooky

**tillyhendy69:** waaaaat

**tillyhendy69:** thats bullshit she knows ive been busy

**thecoolerstu:** ya and if u wr busy for an actual fkn reason she’d be ok

**thecoolerstu:** but seems to me ur just puttin a dent in ur bfs couch

**thecoolerstu:** in more ways than one ;))))))))))))

**tillyhendy69:** gross

**thecoolerstu:** pfft srry

**thecoolerstu:** um but ya dude standing offer to like pick u up? in my sick as hell airship u know

**tillyhendy69:** yes stu i kno u have a fuckin airship u talk about it ALL THE TIME

**thecoolerstu:** >x) can u blame a girl for bein proud of her sick as hell airship

**tillyhendy69:** ugh no. its pretty fuckin pog

**thecoolerstu:** dam right, whatever that means

**thecoolerstu:** hey q:

**tillyhendy69:** if u must

**thecoolerstu:** ok so like ur basically livin at dec’s rn rite

**tillyhendy69:** ya and its fuckin gross

**tillyhendy69:** hes got like lil plastic statues of robots everywhere?? literally fkn cringe

**thecoolerstu:** and once u came back u crashed on my (sick as hell) airship

**thecoolerstu:** n before that u were livin at ken loser’s place rite

**thecoolerstu:** so like, whats w the couch surfin dude

**tillyhendy69:** whaddya mean

**tillyhendy69:** im a light in evryones life why wouldnt they want me around

**thecoolerstu:** T_T

**thecoolerstu:** not that the what? month? u spent leavin half empty diet coke cans evrywhre

**thecoolerstu:** not that that wasnt a SWELL time but uh

**tillyhendy69:** so basically what im getting so far is that im super cool and everyone loves me

**tillyhendy69:** we know this already tho

**thecoolerstu:** ugh u asshole im sayin like, dont u have ur own fuckin place

**tillyhendy69:** nnnnnnnope

**tillyhendy69:** im a fuckin grifter since day one

**thecoolerstu:** not even back in baltimore

**tillyhendy69:** nope never not even fuckn once

**thecoolerstu:** ok but you like grew up there

**tillyhendy69:** everybodys gotta fuckin grow up somewhere

**tillyhendy69:** what r u even gettin at stu

**thecoolerstu:** im saying its hard for me to believe you dont have some kind of place anywhere!!

**tillyhendy69:** wellllll i fuckin dont sooooooooooo

**thecoolerstu:** not even like, ur family?

**thecoolerstu:** i mean it’s not a secret evryone knows ur kinda loaded

**tillyhendy69:** ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

**tillyhendy69:** u know what fuckn

**tillyhendy69:** tell esme if she wants to know im literally NEVER comin back to practice

**tillyhendy69:** gonna just fuckin

**tillyhendy69:** break couches as long as i live

**tillyhendy69:** n dont bother pickin me up or anything

**tillyhendy69:** think theres a charleston right near chicago ill just walk

**thecoolerstu:** ok looks like i hit a nerve

**thecoolerstu:** um sorry for what its worth not what i was tryna do

**thecoolerstu:** ill give u space but i rlly do hope i see u at practice at some pnt

**tillyhendy69:** yea whatevrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

**> goodwin morin <**

**tillyhendy69:** hey

**tillyhendy69:** hey goodwin

**tillyhendy69:** arent u like 7 foot tall or smth ridiculous

**tillyhendy69:** haha ur so fucking tall don't fucking fall down or youll start a tsunami

**gmorin:** Oh!! That's a good one!! Let me try:

**gmorin:** Tillman you're so tiny!! I would step on you if I didn't just get new shoes, LOL!!

**tillyhendy69:** uh yeah u mostly got the idea

**gmorin:** The joke is that if I stepped on you you would die!! C:

**tillyhendy69:** rite

**tillyhendy69:** uh

**tillyhendy69:** wats up

**gmorin:** Oh nothing I just didn’t know we were doing this today!!!!!

**gmorin:** (Can I say Tillman I LOVE when you do this!!)

**tillyhendy69:** wtf what am i doing

**gmorin:** The thing where you are angry at something else so you take it out at me!!!!

**gmorin:** It’s one of your most perplexingly charming traits :D

**tillyhendy69:** that makes no sense why would i vent at you

**gmorin:** Hm???

**gmorin:** Isn’t it because it was my arrival that sent your boyfriend to the shadows?? o:

**tillyhendy69:** or maybe its just cause ur SUPER fuckin annoyinggggg

**gmorin:** :? Well that can’t be right most people I interact with here say they find me pleasant!!

**tillyhendy69:** and thats what makes u fuckinn unbearable

**gmorin:** I see!!!! Thank you for taking the time to explain C:

**gmorin:** I’ve had so many opportunities to meet many wonderful people here

**gmorin:** And I’m so glad that you’re one of them, Tillman!!!

**tillyhendy69:** aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**> known gamer polycule <**

**d3cl4n:** :3c

**d3cl4n:** :3333333c

**tillyhendy69:** im gonna stab u if u add another 3

**d3cl4n:** :3333333 3c

**tillyhendy69:** bet. u die 2nite fucker

**d3cl4n:** soooooooooo they ran the stats

**extracredit:** yeah dec?

**d3cl4n:** guess who has

**d3cl4n:** to this very day

**d3cl4n:** the longest

**d3cl4n:** hitstreak

**d3cl4n:** in blaseball

**extracredit:** haha i dunno dec who

**tillyhendy69:** uhhhhhhh i dont fuckin know

**tillyhendy69:** probably someone like good at the game or generally competent

**d3cl4n:** GUESS AGAIN BITCH ITS ME ITS DECLAN MF SUZANNE

**extracredit:** oh no way!! grats babe

**tillyhendy69:** what

**tillyhendy69:** WHAT

**d3cl4n:** yeah apparently back in like season 3 or 4 or something?

**d3cl4n:** i went like a bunch of games in a row where i got a hit

**d3cl4n:** i don’t even remember honestly lmaoooo

**extracredit:** that’s so cool haha

**d3cl4n:** yeah i think someone tied me tho? but no ones beaten me yet

**tillyhendy69:** are you telling me

**tillyhendy69:** motherfucking

**tillyhendy69:** declan suzanne

**tillyhendy69:** declan aw-sorry-i-forgot-i-was-allergic-to-peanuts-and-ate-two suzanne

**tillyhendy69:** has a fucking HITTING RECORD

**tillyhendy69:** LIKE, A GOOD ONE?????

**tillyhendy69:** ITS LIKE I DONT EVEN KNOW U ANYMROE

**d3cl4n:** better believe it tilly looks like ur not the only good batter in this polycule anymore

**tillyhendy69:** oh my god

**tillyhendy69:** and im not even the worst pitcher either

**extracredit:** hey! rude

**tillyhendy69:** what do i even have

**extracredit:** you’re fast!

**d3cl4n:** ur short

**tillyhendy69:** holy shit fuck offffffffff

**> goodwin moron <**

**tillyhendy69:** motherfuckin consecutive hits bitch ass cringe ass

**tillyhendy69:** what does that even mean

**tillyhendy69:** why is that even a fuckin record 

**tillyhendy69:** doesnt even help u win like hes not even good

**tillyhendy69:** why the fuck does he get to have a record fuckin cringe ass

**gmorin:** Hello!! Glad you reached out again Tillman!! C:

**gmorin:** Maybe you can tell me what you’re mad about!!

**gmorin:** And then I can be mad about it in your stead to ease your emotional burden O:

**gmorin:** Someone told me this process is called “Venting” and I think it is so wonderful!!

**tillyhendy69:** ok srsly goodwin what is ur fuckin damage

**tillyhendy69:** i thought u were fuckin w me at first but

**tillyhendy69:** r u actually just … like this

**gmorin:** Yes!! I am just like this!!

**gmorin:** Allow me to regale you with my the story of my background!!

**tillyhendy69:** oh fuckin shit

**gmorin:** So you see I was born in the shadows!! A specific part, actually!!

**gmorin:** It is like your world’s Seattle but instead of being a locus of art and culture :D

**gmorin:** It is a nefarious place of corporate exploitation and greed D:<

**gmorin:** And basically no one is very friendly and everything is boring and controlled!!

**gmorin:** So now I am here and I look around and say wow!!!! Things!!! People!!!!!

**gmorin:** And we can talk about Emotions and pick a flower out of the ground!!!!

**gmorin:** Your world is a paradise and I am eternally grateful to have come C:

**tillyhendy69:** yeah ok im gonna be honest

**tillyhendy69:** i ain’t reading all that

**tillyhendy69:** i’m happy for u tho

**tillyhendy69:** or sorry that happened

**gmorin:** Ah I see you were not listening!!

**gmorin:** Such a breach of Etiquette would carry a death sentence where I am from :D

**gmorin:** Luckily we are in a world where you will not be immediately terminated for doing so!!!!

**tillyhendy69:** haha trust me goodwin better fuckin people have tried to kill my gay ass

**tillyhendy69:** at this point im kept alive by raw homosexual energy

**tillyhendy69:** invulnerable and gay

**tillyhendy69:** gaymmortal

**tillyhendy69:** surviving on pure boysmooches

**gmorin:** Have I mentioned how wonderful I think it is that you are so open with your sexuality!!!!

**gmorin:** It shows a wonderful depth of character and I admire it in you Tillman!! XD

**tillyhendy69:** man what the fuck

**tillyhendy69:** this whole “being gay” bit really isn’t working out how i expected

**tillyhendy69:** im gonna have some fuckin words w declan

*******

**> gaybitch bitchbitchbitch <**

**jaylen14:** So you see he is a little cat.

**tillyhendy69:** uh huh

**jaylen14:** And he wears Glasses.

**tillyhendy69:** right

**jaylen14:** he is very difficult To get to come to your island you know.

**tillyhendy69:** yea i fuckin bet

**jaylen14:** Tillman it doesn’t seem like you’re happy for me.

**jaylen14:** The fact that I have him on my Island is kind of a big deal???

**jaylen14:** People are freaking out online about this business cat.

**jaylen14:** There is art of him. A Lot of it.

**tillyhendy69:** there’s art of me too but u dont see me bragging about it

**tillyhendy69:** i could beat up that shitty cat anyway

**jaylen14:** Tillman henderson how Dare you!!

**jaylen14:** If you were on my island I would tell Isabelle on you.

**jaylen14:** and then Hit you with a net several times!!

**tillyhendy69:** dam woulda thought you got all the beaning out of your system

**jaylen14:** when it Comes to you tillman I’ve always got a beanball with your name on it.

**jaylen14:** <3 mwah

**tillyhendy69:** gay

**jaylen14:** You’re gay.

**tillyhendy69:** guilty as charged

**> known gamer polycule <**

**d3cl4n:** you don’t know what you’re talking about. you are cringe and a poser

**extracredit:** haha sorry babe i just dont think they're any good

**d3cl4n:** how could you. how could you even SAY that to me when you know how i feel

**tillyhendy69:** oh my god jaylen won’t shut the fuck up about her stupid animal island game

**tillyhendy69:** what’s going on in here

**extracredit:** haha hey tillman

**extracredit:** i'm trying to convince declan mcr sucks

**d3cl4n:** they do not they DO NOT

**d3cl4n:** tillman im gonna kill him

**d3cl4n:** im gonna minecraft sword u SO HARD

**extracredit:** haha ouch don't impale me on ur foam sword

**extracredit:** and u better not lift up my chin with it either

**extracredit:** like we were sexy anime rivals

**d3cl4n:** ill do it!!!!! ill lift that chin right up!!!!!!!!

**d3cl4n:** tillman what do you think

**tillyhendy69:** oh god uh

**tillyhendy69:** theyre ok?? not the shit i usually listen to

**tillyhendy69:** but uhhhhh i like that one abt middle schoolers or w/e

**extracredit:** look i simply think my music taste should be deferred to here

**extracredit:** seeing as i am the only one actually in a highly successful band

**d3cl4n:** thats bullshit thats such bullshit and you know it

**d3cl4n:** you wont fucking debate me on the facts bc u KNOW youll lose

**d3cl4n:** plus im great at guitar

**tillyhendy69:** lmao dude ur cringe ass rhythm games dont count

**d3cl4n:** im not talking about those!!!

**d3cl4n:** i had an actual song get on the garages album didnt you hear it???

**tillyhendy69:** haha nope i dont listen to them either

**d3cl4n:** oh

**extracredit:** haha no ur right that song goes hard

**extracredit:** but uh i mean, it's only like 4 chords so

**d3cl4n:** oh yeah sure not like you use any more when ur on guitar

**extracredit:** not true bitch didn't you hear

**extracredit:** i learned how to solo >:3

**d3cl4n:** ughhhhhhhhhhhh

**extracredit:** hey tillman quick q

**tillyhendy69:** uhhh yeah

**extracredit:** you keep saying you don't listen to stuff

**extracredit:** what do you actually listen to?

**extracredit:** besides wonderwall on loop

**tillyhendy69:** oh uh funny you ask i actually found a new band i like

**tillyhendy69:** and i was gonna share them w u anyway

**extracredit:** oh cool!

**d3cl4n:** lay it on us

**tillyhendy69:** ok  here  it is

**d3cl4n:** hmmmm

**extracredit:** are you sure this is the right link?

**extracredit:** it's just taking me to a blank page

**d3cl4n:** yeah i can't see anything babe i think u messed the link up

**tillyhendy69:** what??? that's the same one she used it should just

**tillyhendy69:** see look i clicked on it and now it's playin f

**tillyhendy69:** fjjsjdhdjsjhsjsjsjs

**tillyhendy69:** GODDAMIT I FUCKIN RLICKROLLED MYSELF

**d3cl4n:** hahahahahaha bitch

**extracredit:** get his ass

* * *

**> jaylen hotdogfingerer <**

**jaylen14:** And so the going price right now is about 400NMT.

**jaylen14:** which if you Don't know, each ticket involves performing certain tasks.

**jaylen14:** The player run economy actually has a lot of similarities to the in-game one.

**jaylen14:** i read An article about it recently.

**tillyhendy69:** heyyyy uh jaylen

**jaylen14:** Yeah tillman?

**tillyhendy69:** no offense but uh

**tillyhendy69:** this is all like incredibly, painfully lame

**jaylen14:** Uh Huh.

**tillyhendy69:** which like dont get me wrong thats uh fine

**tillyhendy69:** u wanna be boring as shit go for it idk

**tillyhendy69:** but like didnt u used to be uh cool??? n stuff??

**tillyhendy69:** idk maybe cause i never talked to u until we swapped fr whatever fuckin reason

**jaylen14:** tillman by cool are you Referring to my actions as a player or as an avatar of death?

**tillyhendy69:** uh neither??

**tillyhendy69:** i hate good players and death means nothing to me

**jaylen14:** Well look i mean i did save the entire league from a Spinning machiavellian legume.

**jaylen14:** Might have something to do with it.

**tillyhendy69:** idk ppl just always treated u like u were one of the cool ones

**tillyhendy69:** and they even brought your ass back on purpose

**tillyhendy69:** and yet here u are

**tillyhendy69:** just as much of a nerd as everyone else i hang out with apparently

**jaylen14:** Hey tillman? Did i detect a bit of…… vulnerability in what you just said?

**jaylen14:** wondering why People missed me so much compared to you??

**jaylen14:** Doing a bit of…… self reflection??

**tillyhendy69:** oh SHIT

**tillyhendy69:** i gotta get out of here

**> smokehouse gangggggg <**

**snideybigs:** idk i just think likeeeeeee u don't have to throw him out of your house

**snideybigs:** you know?????

**snideybigs:** like he's will's best friend you gotta be nice

**satobox:** I do not agree.

**satobox:** He was vandalizing the man's belongings.

**satobox:** He was lucky to have escaped the situation alive.

**satobox:** Were I that house's patriarch?

**satobox:** Much worse would have befallen him.

**snideybigs:** nah he wasn't trying to scratch up the records, he was trying to participate!!!!!!!!!

**snideybigs:** that's where he's fuckin from dude they're from different worlds

**snideybigs:** and they gotta fuckin understaaaaaand each other

**tillyhendy69:** what shitty ass show r we talkin about in here this time

**satobox:** Hello Tillman.

**snideybigs:** hey dude wassup

**snideybigs:** we're talking about whether or it’s ok for uncle phil to always be throwing dj jazzy jeff out of the house

**snideybigs:** which hey plus, i heard the actual real life jazzy jeff hurt himself like real bad the first time they did that

**snideybigs:** so they used a stunt double after that

**satobox:** That doesn't affect the ethics of the action.

**snideybigs:** yea but like isn't it fucked up tho???

**satobox:** It is moderately fucked up, yes.

**tillyhendy69:** hey why is every chat im in talking about some random fuckin pop culture shit

**tillyhendy69:** i mean its normal w u two but

**satobox:** Perhaps because it is the off season we are all catching up on our favorite works.

**snideybigs:** hey yo tillman, hotbox keeps asking about when you're gonna show us more anime

**snideybigs:** it loves that shit

**satobox:** Do not pretend you did not enjoy it either Snyder.

**snideybigs:** yeahhhh ok u got me

**tillyhendy69:** wait what i thought you hated that show

**snideybigs:** i mean i knoooow we gave you a lot of shit at first

**satobox:** It was not our usual fare.

**snideybigs:** right. plus it's made for like 3 year olds

**snideybigs:** and full of flowers and shit

**snideybigs:** but idk it kinda grew on us???

**snideybigs:** the fight scenes are good

**satobox:** I myself empathize heavily with Tsubomi's struggle.

**snideybigs:** yeah oh my god right???? i wonder how she's gonna get out of this mess????

**satobox:** The stakes have not yet been higher.

**snideybigs:** anyway yeah tilly u gotta bring it back around soon k?

**tillyhendy69:** uhhhhhhh yeah. sure i guess

*******

**> declannnnnnnnnnn <**

**tillyhendy69:** hey declan you like

**tillyhendy69:** got a sec

**d3cl4n:** ahhhh shit dude im real sorry

**d3cl4n:** somethin just came up im like gettin dressed rn

**d3cl4n:** cant have shit in chicago

**d3cl4n:** (where im from)

**tillyhendy69:** oh ok nah its whatev really

**d3cl4n:** well im sure mike will wanna hear it hes a good listener and shit!!

**d3cl4n:** and ill probably be home??? sometime???

**d3cl4n:** anyway gotta run

**tillyhendy69:** uhhhh yeah ok

**> mike townsend (is texting me) <**

**tillyhendy69:** yooooooo mike

**extracredit:** haha hey tilly whats up

**tillyhendy69:** u gotta sec

**tillyhendy69:** i justtttttt idk

**extracredit:** oh uhhh im actually

**extracredit:** sorta

**extracredit:** kinda

**extracredit:** in the middle of

**extracredit:** a thing?????

**tillyhendy69:** wow could you not be weird for like two seconds

**extracredit:** ummm nope haha apparently not

**tillyhendy69:** ugh well could u at least tell me wtf is goin on w u this time

**extracredit:** i like kinda really super super can't uh

**extracredit:** it's not a big deal or anything so don't worry!!

**extracredit:** something just isn't Right here and i'm just trying to make sure it doesn't get worse

**extracredit:** anyway sorry i can't help

**extracredit:** you could uhhhhh text declan??

**extracredit:** he's a pretty good listener haha i can vouch for that

**tillyhendy69:** yeah no fuckin shit he is that's why i texted him al-the fuck-ready

**tillyhendy69:** mike

**tillyhendy69:** yo mike r u fuckin there

**tillyhendy69:** ughhhhhhhhh

**tillyhendy69:** bitch

*******

**> renesme lmao <**

**bythehorns:** hello tillman

**bythehorns:** stu got in touch with me

**tillyhendy69:** ugh fine whatever yell at me abt it i dont fuckin careeeeeeee

**bythehorns:** no uh

**bythehorns:** she told me i was being too harsh on you. and i think i agree

**bythehorns:** it’s been a hectic time for you, after all

**bythehorns:** i can’t say i don’t understand what it’s like to become a bit more

**bythehorns:** acquainted, let’s say, with death

**tillyhendy69:** oh yeah hows bein a ghost bitch workin out for ya

**bythehorns:** it’s

**bythehorns:** fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

**bythehorns:** i can’t really cook anything because they love to poltergeist my shit everywhere

**bythehorns:** but other than that i can’t really complain

**tillyhendy69:** so wait ur telling me i can just fuckin skip practice

**bythehorns:** well. yes? take the time you need to recover is what i’m saying

**tillyhendy69:** you know i’m fuckin fine right??

**tillyhendy69:** im just skipping cause i dont fuckin feel like it

**bythehorns:** well that’s fine too. just come by when you do

**tillyhendy69:** are you serious?? what happened to u fuckin yellin at me all the time

**tillyhendy69:** what happened to u fuckin punching people?? whats w this weak shit

**bythehorns:** look tillman i already said i was sorry ok?

**bythehorns:** well. kinda. even if i didn't that’s what i meant anyway

**tillyhendy69:** i dont fuckin want you to say sorry i want you to fuckin get pissed at me!!!!

**bythehorns:** i’m not going to stick around just so we can yell at each other

**bythehorns:** if you do want to actually talk i’m around

**bythehorns:** otherwise

**bythehorns:** come back soon okay? stu misses you, she likes you a lot. vela too for that matter

**bythehorns:** (you’re the only good babysitter we’ve ever gotten for her)

**tillyhendy69:** oh my fucking GOD WHAT IS GOING ONNNNNNNNNN

**> jaylen <**

**tillyhendy69:** literally what the fuck happened why the fuck is everyone bein so fuckn weird

**tillyhendy69:** like hey its me tillman im back doin dumb shit cmon yell at me!!

**tillyhendy69:** its like u go away for a little bit

**tillyhendy69:** n then come back n everyones acting TOTALLY FUCKING BATSHIT

**jaylen14:** Oh my god.

**jaylen14:** Hey. Hey tillman? I hope i get incinerated For saying this but.

**jaylen14:** I completely understand what you mean.

**tillyhendy69:** oh my god are u telling me were the same?? killman enderson real

**jaylen14:** Lmao.

**jaylen14:** What happened.

**tillyhendy69:** ugh just fuckin esme bein super weird about it

**jaylen14:** Hahahahahahahahahaha.

**jaylen14:** Oh i think i know what THAT’S like.

**jaylen14:** don’t take it personally i Just don’t think she’s very good with the undead.

**tillyhendy69:** well shed better get good pretty fuckin quick

**jaylen14:** Oh my god that’s right she’s Haunted now??

**jaylen14:** Haaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha.

**jaylen14:** That’s fucking funny.

**tillyhendy69:** tell me about it

**tillyhendy69:** i just dont fuckin. like

**tillyhendy69:** im tillman fuckin j fuckin henderson and the j stands for jagoff

**tillyhendy69:** i thought everyone knew the fuckin score like ill keep doin dumb shit

**tillyhendy69:** and u gotta keep hatin my ass in return. im a fuckin heel thats what i do

**jaylen14:** Well i can’t say i watch boxing.

**jaylen14:** but Enough people have called me a heel that i know where you’re coming from.

**jaylen14:** And honestly?? Have you ever tried being liked?

**jaylen14:** because it’s WAY fucking better.

**tillyhendy69:** yeah as if anybody wld ever fuckin like my ass

**jaylen14:** Hooooly shit i am not going to let tillman Jagoff henderson talk about himself like that

**jaylen14:** tillman two-bf-having henderson

**jaylen14:** You know they’re literally both crazy about you right??

**jaylen14:** and that’s Crazy in a good way.

**jaylen14:** hell even i’m a bit Fond of you myself.

**tillyhendy69:** oh my fucking god not you jaylen bitchdogfingers im gonna puke

**jaylen14:** Oh don’t get me Wrong i fucking hate your ass like a whole bunch but.

**jaylen14:** I dunno. you’re refreshing.

**jaylen14:** you were the only person who Didn’t avoid me or treat me w kid gloves.

**jaylen14:** And like don’t get me wrong your entire persona is founded on bullshit but.

**jaylen14:** you’re Surprisingly good at cutting through other peoples’ bs.

**jaylen14:** Have you considered, t. jagoff henderson, that it may have been YOU that changed?

**jaylen14:** and not Everyone else?

**tillyhendy69:** goddddddddd i never shouldve told you the jagoff middle name bit

**tillyhendy69:** ur having way too much fun with that

**jaylen14:** Stop deflecting!!!!!!!!!!!

**tillyhendy69:** no!!!!!!! i wont!!!!!!!!! i will keep deflecting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**jaylen14:** Ur not allowed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**tillyhendy69:** fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**jaylen14:** fuck you jagoff henderson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**tillyhendy69:** fuck you go fuckin finger a hotdog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**jaylen14:** bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**tillyhendy69:** gayass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**jaylen14:** Guilty as charged.

**tillyhendy69:** yeah same

**jaylen14:** Feel better?

**tillyhendy69:** um

**tillyhendy69:** kinda

**tillyhendy69:** idk i just wanna go back to bein fuckin tillman henderson

**tillyhendy69:** and just quietly be shitty over in my lil corner

**tillyhendy69:** and makeout w whoever and not have it be a big fuckin deal

**jaylen14:** Sorry to tell ya bud but Uh.

**jaylen14:** there’s not Really any going back to “just” tillman.

**jaylen14:** Once you get popular it’s sort of like.

**jaylen14:** The idea of you becomes More important than the actual you.

**jaylen14:** to the point where what You actually want doesn’t matter so much.

**tillyhendy69:** …

**jaylen14:** …

**tillyhendy69:** you uh

**tillyhendy69:** you ok dude?

**jaylen14:** Haaaaaaaaaaah.

**jaylen14:** I mean, yes?

**jaylen14:** yes. Yes i Am.

**jaylen14:** It’s just weird you know. Doing what I think is called a face turn.

**jaylen14:** Whether people love me or hate me…… i Dunno.

**jaylen14:** They both sorta feel the same to me?? Is that weird?

**tillyhendy69:** wouldnt know since everyone hates me always all the time

**jaylen14:** Yeah sure.

**jaylen14:** Anyway I’m mostly just hoping nothing eventful ever happens to me again.

**jaylen14:** And I can just sort of ride the rest of however long this is out in peace.

**tillyhendy69:** holy fucking SHIT JAYLEN ARE YOU TRYING??? TO JINX URSELF???

**tillyhendy69:** ur literally begging karma to drop an anvil on ur dumb gay ass right now

**tillyhendy69:** u better fucking knock on wood right this gd second

**jaylen14:** Hmmm.

**jaylen14:** no >:)

**tillyhendy69:** aaaaaaaaaaaaa ok but im not switching w ur ass again ur on ur own

**jaylen14:** Lmao.

**jaylen14:** Ok but uh. Back to you. You’re obviously not feeling well.

**jaylen14:** Have you talked to declan or mike about it? Mike is obviously a great listener

**jaylen14:** and Declan’s listening skills come highly recommended by mike.

**tillyhendy69:** ok ok yeah i fuckin get it theyre both great listeners

**tillyhendy69:** it comes up so much youd think the fuckin universe was subtweeting my ass

**jaylen14:** Maybe it is.

**jaylen14:** ooooooooo spoooooooky ~ ~ ~ ~

**tillyhendy69:** oooooooooooooooo

**tillyhendy69:** jaylen you have the dumbest fucking bits sometimes

**jaylen14:** Says you.

**tillyhendy69:** yeah says me

**tillyhendy69:** anyway mike and declan are both busy

**tillyhendy69:** NO WE HAVENT TRIED THE GLOOGLE CALENDAR DONT BRING IT UP

**jaylen14:** Have you t

**jaylen14:** Okay.

**jaylen14:** Well. It happens, people have different schedules.

**tillyhendy69:** yeah i guess

**tillyhendy69:** idk its fine whatever i dont need anyone around

**jaylen14:** tillman you are Literally bearing your emotions to jaylen fucking hotdogfingers herself right now.

**jaylen14:** You are obviously fairly hard-up for people who Will listen.

**tillyhendy69:** lmao point taken

**jaylen14:** Look tillman the problem isn’t that you’re an asshole.

**jaylen14:** plenty of well liked people Are assholes.

**jaylen14:** The problem is that you push people away when they try to connect with you.

**jaylen14:** The fact that you do so by being an asshole Is completely incidental.

**tillyhendy69:** ughhhhhhh no i fuckin dont fuck offfffffff stop talkin to me

**jaylen14:** =_=

**tillyhendy69:** ok maybe a little

**tillyhendy69:** do u think i did it to declan and mike too

**jaylen14:** Um i can’t really say? but probably not.

**jaylen14:** if declan’s Still around after some of the shit you’ve pulled?

**jaylen14:** I doubt he’d leave at this point.

**jaylen14:** And mike’s a fuckin pushover ass loser you don’t gotta worry about him.

**tillyhendy69:** haha yeah

**jaylen14:** Oh my GOD did you really just “haha yeah” me???

**jaylen14:** oh my god that’s like Mike’s signature thing you two are so cute.

**jaylen14:** We used to have a thing where anytime he started a sentence with “haha” he would owe me a quarter

**jaylen14:** and at the end of the week i had to drink as much shitty ipa as that would buy.

**jaylen14:** Oh my god i would get so WASTED

**tillyhendy69:** oh shit that sounds great i should start doing that

**jaylen14:** ummmmmm i Wouldn’t recommend it.

**tillyhendy69:** why what happened

**jaylen14:** the last Time we did it i sort of

**jaylen14:** Punched a cop.

**tillyhendy69:** …

**jaylen14:** …

**tillyhendy69:** lmaooooooooooooooo

**jaylen14:** Lmaoooooooooooooo indeed.

**jaylen14:** ok but uh Back on topic.

**jaylen14:** What have you been doing today

**tillyhendy69:** uh mostly just flipping between different chats n stuff from dec’s couch

**jaylen14:** TILLMAN JAGOFF HENDERSON

**jaylen14:** That’s why you’re so fucking depressed!!!

**tillyhendy69:** im not depressed

**jaylen14:** Listen tillman. one Dead bitch to another.

**jaylen14:** Sometimes You Have To Log Off

**tillyhendy69:** but what if someone is saying some bullshit behind my back and im not there to call them gay

**tillyhendy69:** or call them str8 or whatever

**jaylen14:** it will be around When you get back.

**jaylen14:** And you can assign people whatever sexuality you like.

**tillyhendy69:** sighhhhh ok but im only doing it to prove how wrong you are

**jaylen14:** Works for me.

**jaylen14:** Bye tillman! Talk to you Later.

**tillyhendy69:** yeah uhh not fuckin likely lmao

**jaylen14:** Lmao.

**tillyhendy69:** uh bye tho

* * *

Tillman tossed his phone disinterestedly to the side. What the fuck did she know, he thought to himself, I’m not depressed and even if I _were_ it wouldn’t be because of this stupid phone. I’ll show her. I’ll be depressed while - and he looked around the room to find another activity before settling on - reading a book! That’ll show her.

Tillman grabbed the book off Declan’s shelf and opened it to a random page. The words were meaningless squiggles he couldn’t make out and for a moment a fear surged through Tillman that somehow the bit had come true, he’d claimed not to be able to read so many times that he’d actually finally forgotten. Then he realized no, he wasn’t newly illiterate, his eyes were just having trouble focusing from all the time on his phone. Pretty cringe, he thought to himself. Also it was really dim in there. When had it gotten so dark?

Tillman sighed, put the book away, hopped off the couch, and headed into the kitchen. He opened the fridge to look through it, eyes adjusting painfully to the bright light from inside. The only thing in there he had enough energy to make was the microwavable macaroni and cheese. He thought about it, grabbed it, then put it back. He grabbed a warm beer from the box besides the fridge instead, and closed the door.

He popped the lid, took a swig, and winced. This shit was truly undrinkable. But the first time he’d come over to Declan’s it was all that had been around. He’d sipped it and apparently he made a face and Declan laughed and asked if he hated it. He’d said no, actually it was his favorite and he drank it all the time. He hadn’t given up the ruse yet. Declan always kept the place stocked with it. Apparently even while he was fucking dead.

He pressed the remote and flopped back onto the couch as the television blared out the second half of the opening theme to _Pretty Cure: Catch &Throw My Heart!! _He’d caught up to the bits that had aired while he was out and so he was watching the series from the start again. He closed his eyes and felt a tension leave the front of his head. Not that he spoke even a bit of the Japanese, but he’d watched the first few episodes enough times to be able to follow along well enough.

He pulled a blanket around himself and sighed. There was basically a Tillman-shaped hole in this couch by now, and it was incredibly comfortable. He sorta hoped Declan would come by before he fell asleep, or maybe Mike would. And if he fell asleep before they did then he hoped whoever came through would wake him up so he could see them. Then, Tillman Henderson absolutely one hundred percent definitely no doubt did **not** cry. Not even a little bit. (Okay, maybe a little bit.)

**Author's Note:**

> If you, like my partner, are distressed by the fact that I introduced cops into the blaseball universe for the sake of a gag, here is what happened: the cop Jaylen punched was the last cop that existed, and she punched him so hard he went into near-earth orbit. Now there are no cops in blaseball once again C: 1312
> 
> Okay this one was a lot of fun I didn't expect Jaylen and Tillman to have like really great chemistry?? But I guess it makes sense in hindsight. This is probably gonna be the last work in this series about the cringe gamer polycule but they'll be back......... I'll be doing something sorta different next time. Probably. I shouldn't call my shots, who knows what'll happen lol. Anyway I hope you enjoyed, see ya around!
> 
> (thanks to: the shoe thieves, for telling me about yalls characters! and also mads for letting me make their song an in-universe thing lol. check the notes in the first fic of this series if you don't know what i'm talking about)


End file.
